The Super Bowl of Burgers

After a one-and-done season for their head coach, the Arizona Cardinals were nowhere near the playoffs that culminate in Sunday night’s Super Bowl.

Yet, when it comes to notable food—and let’s face it, Sunday’s event will be a pizza/ barbecue wings/chips-and-dip/whatever else you can dream up extravaganza—few can match the 7-lb. Gridiron Burger unveiled last fall.

It’s the brainchild of the executive chef at Craft Culinary Concepts at University of Phoenix Stadium.

The Gridiron Burger shows how far we have come from the days of pathetic hot dogs and soggy fries at so many stadiums.

American Excess 

This is not the Gridiron Burger, just “another”, but not quite as excessive burger.

When it comes to American Excess, nothing can match it, either.

Not the Grand Mac, the latest version of stuffed crust pizza, nor the fried onion basketballs dripping with enough calories to fill a week’s worth of daily recommended allowances.

The Gridiron Burger comprises five burgers, five all-beef hot dogs, five bratwursts, 20 slices of cheese, eight slices of bacon . . . and more.

My head swam just scanning the contents, which read like the lineup on an All-Star Eating Contest table.

How does it all fit on a 10-inch bun?

For that matter, how does anyone get their mouth around it?

The Challenge

The mammoth creation even came with its own challenge: finish the monster in under an hour and you win a Cardinals jersey and your picture on the scoreboard.

A quick Google check failed to turn up whether anyone met the challenge during this season. But with their team’s 3-13 record, I can’t imagine the fans in Phoenix were lining up to try.

Well, that and the $75 cost.

Now, don’t anyone mistake my remarks as a shot at the Cardinals. Having suffered through decades of ridicule as a Browns fan, I’m sensitive to anyone who would lampoon any fan’s favorite team.

A Laughing Matter

Still, the Gridiron Burger is so over-the-top that it’s worth a hearty laugh.

Come Sunday evening, the outcome won’t matter; my team won’t be in it. That will reduce the Super Bowl to its usual status: a nice game but I won’t really care who wins. Not deep down inside, where it counts.

I will care more about the friends who we watch it with and, truth be told, the pizza and wings that are on the table.

Hopefully, there will be a commercial or two that will provide some hearty chuckles, although during the Super Bowl there are no guarantees of prize winners.

In addition to the food and frivolity, the newly-legalized status of gambling nationwide means the estimated $4.6 billion bet on the 2018 version will likely jump even higher.

I won’t be one of the millions losing money on their wager.

I learned a long time ago that I’m better off picking winners and losers strictly for fun. And abstaining from 7-lb. burgers.